Remember that at the most basic, a lead should include the answers to questions that the reader has, including who, what, when, where, why and how. Ocassionally, to be creative, you can neglect to answer a few of those questions in the lead, but certain ones always need to be answered. You should almost always tell the reader when something happened. You should say who is affected. You should tell the reader where something happened so the reader knows if this affects him/her.
Consider these good leads written by your classmates:
• The sweltering heat that claimed the lives of three elderly residents may have been prevented, according to officials. Police say they found a pair of fans and an air conditioner in each of the victims' homes that were still in their boxes - they had never been installed.
• An 8-year-old boy is in critical condition after being struck by a train Saturday afternoon. Police have charged the boy's mother with several counts of child endangerment after learning the mother allegedly did not help the boy, but taunted him as the train approached.
• A local paramedic is trying to get his job back after being informed that the positive HIV test he received eight years ago was a mistake.
• Local paramedic, Julius Povacz, lost his job after testing positive for HIV. However, in a recent turn of events, Povacz learned he is not HIV positive and now fights to get his job back.
• While on her cell phone with her insurance company, a 25 year old woman severely injured a 44 year old man when she rear ended him in rush hour traffic.
• A grieving woman came home from her husband’s funeral yesterday to find her house plundered. Her sewing machine, small kitchen appliances, and a stamp collection were among the stolen items.
• The home of Dorothy R. Ellam was burglarized yesterday afternoon while she was attending the funeral of her late husband, who died one day prior to the break in. The total loss was expected to equal $8,000.
GOOD BUT MISSING THE WHEN
One of the fundamental rules about journalism is that a story must be timely. You don’t give readers information about anything that is a month or two old. You let them know what is going on now. Consider what has been lost by not including the when in these leads:
• While talking to her insurance company about an error on a bill, Cheryl Nicholls struck the rear of a pickup truck.
• While attending her husband's funeral, Dorothy Elam's home was burglarized.
• After attending her husband's funeral, Dorothy R. Elam learned that her home had been burglarized.
WRITE IN PAST TENSE
• When you’re writing sentences in news stories, you should almost always use the past tense. Save present tense for your headlines and photo cutlines.
The mother was charged (in the past and now you’re writing about it; or she is expected to be charged tomorrow.
Three people died over the past two days, announced officials from the city’s health department.
DON’T GIVE INANIMATE OBJECTS ATTRIBUTES THEY CAN’T POSSESS
Be wary about giving objects attributes they can’t possess. An afternoon can’t witness anything; people can witness events on an afternoon. High temperatures don’t kill people; they did because of the high temperatures.
X) Saturday afternoon witnessed a train colliding into a boy while his mother taunted him from safety, according to several witnesses.
FIX: Witness on Saturday afternoon watched a train collide into a boy while his mother taunted him.
KEEP YOUR OPINION OUT OF THE STORY
You are an unbiased reporter giving the details and facts about an event or crime. Keep your opinion out of it. Never use adjectives in a news story. Give your readers the facts, and let them decide for themselves what to think.
X) 1. Destiny Schifini has been charged with numerous criminal offenses pertaining to the horrific injuries sustained by her eight year old son, after he was hit by an oncoming train. He remains in critical condition.
FIX) Destiny Schifini has been charged with numerous criminal offenses pertaining to the injuries sustained by her eight year old son after he was hit by an oncoming train.
X) Widow’s home shamelessly burglarized while she attended her late husband’s funeral.
FIX: A widow’s home was burglarized while she attended her late husband’s funeral.
REMEMBER TO USE ARTICLES
Remember to use articles (the, a and an) in your sentences to make the stories flow. The only time in news stories that you don’t use articles is in headlines and subheads.
X) Widow’s home shamelessly burglarized while she attended her late husband’s funeral.
FIX: A widow’s...
X) Divorced mother of two is being charged with multiple misdemeanors after she allowed her eight-year-old son to be struck by a train.
FIX: A divorced mother of two...
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