Classroom bulletin: story seven

Consider these leads. Which would you consider exceptional? Adequate? Need-to-be-revised? Why? Delve into what criteria you are using to judge these leads, and consider how that has changed over the course of the semester.

• Author Kathryn Kysar can be found most days of the week handing out advice and critiques to her creative writing students at Anoka-Ramsey Community College in Coon Rapids.

• According to Joseph Schoen, a professor at Anoka-Ramsey Community college (ARCC), the concepts of economics can be important tools in understanding many of life's every-day issues, causes and solutions. 

• 31-year-old Melissa Nanti of Carmel Court in Shoreview, Minn. is a single mother, a hospice nurse, and a college student. 

• Growing up as a small-town girl, Wendy Wild experienced intense teasing and harassment by her peers as the result of being the daughter of the school principal. The immense pain and hurt that deeply affected her during her adolescent years fueled her passion to purse a life-long career in social work and education.

• There is nothing in the world that is more precious to Sarah Bach-Bergs than her family. With the holiday season approaching she found herself pondering the importance of family and time-honored traditions.

• Being a straight A student often takes commitment, determination, and drive. For Miranda Baldwin, a student attending Anoka-Ramsey Community College, it means that and much more after overcoming poverty and near homelessness.

• Allan Geoffrey Hodak has been a great mentor to many of his students and faculty that he has influenced with his many years in education.

• Every year more college students are looking to start their venture at a community college. It is becoming more common after finishing two years at a community college for those to transfer and further their education at a four-year school.

• Stephen Peter is a man who has done many different things throughout his life and whether it is teaching various political based classes or the trails of his life, it has shaped his views and has helped mold him into a man who has seen not only local but international acclaim for his work.

WATCH OUT FOR...

• Unattributed opinion

It’s fine to include opinion in your feature stories, but it can’t be your opinion. It needs to be the opinion of people who know the subject, or of the subject him/herself.

HE SAID, SHE SAID

Many of you are attributing quotes incorrectly. In a news story, you need to always attach the “he said” directly to the quote via a comma. It isn’t enough to merely put quotation marks around a sentence. That tells the reader someone said something, but doesn’t say who.

DON’T

Pantley intends to pursue a degree in journalism, “I love to write.”

DO

Pantley intends to pursue a degree in journalism, “I love to write,” she said.

DON’T

Pantley intends to pursue a degree in journalism. “I love to write.”

DO

Pantley intends to pursue a degree in journalism, “I love to write,” she said.

GENERAL NOTES:

• Don’t use courtesy titles like Mr., Mrs. and Ms. in news stories (unless you work for the Wall Street Journal!).

• Don’t use first or second person in a news story (no I or you). Stick with third person.

• Rememer to double space your stories. In college, you’ll want to be in the habit of double spacing all of your stories, and to also include your name and the assignment information on each one. Just as employers in the real world require specific protocol, so do college instructors. It’s good to get in the habit of this now.

CLASSROOM bulletin: Adopt-A-Street press release

CONSIDER THESE LEADS
Read through these leads and consider what ones give the reader the most information up front. Ask yourself which ones you consider “best” and which ones need improvement. How would you make them better?

• The “Adopt-A-Street” program is a volunteer service project.
• Through the Adopt-a-Street program, students from Anoka-Ramsey Community College (AARC) will begin working with members of the community to help cleanup and beautify the community and the AARC campus.
• The Student Government Association at Anoka Ramsey Community College will begin an Adopt-A-Street Program which will have volunteers cleaning up the streets and beautifying the campus and the surrounding community.
• Student Government Program is offering an on-campus organization to keep the community of Anoka-Ramsey clean.
• More than six hundred students, from eighteen on-campus organizations, volunteer in the Adopt-A-Street program.
• Anoka-Ramsey Community College will be offering students and faculty the chance to help their community by participating in the Adopt-A-Street program.
• With more than 600 students form eight on campus groups pitching in to clean up the streets, the Adopt-A-Street program is growing.


BEWARE OF ATTRIBUTING ‘PEOPLE’ TRAITS TO STATIC THINGS
WRONG: The Adopt-A-Street program will also clean up debris and trash left over from the winter months.
FIX: Adopt-A-Street members will also clean up debris and trash left over from the winter months.

WRONG: The Adopt-A-Street program lets students work with members of the community to help clean up and beautify the community and campus.
FIX: Through the Adopt-A-Street program,students work with members of the community to help clean up and beautify the community and campus.

DON'T USE ADJECTIVES
Like all news stories, your opinion shouldn't show up in a press release. Avoid using adjectives at all times (great, wonderful, amazing, etc.). Also watch out for other loaded words that give away what you think of something.

KEEP YOURSELF OUT OF THE RELEASE
Remember that news releases are like news stories: you need to keep yourself out of them. Refrain from using words like “I,” “our,” “we,” and “us.”

PROPER FORM INCLUDES CONTACT INFORMATION
Remember to include the contact information at the top of the press release. See page 512 in your textbook for the proper form for press releases. It doesn’t do any good to send out information on a program if reporters and other interested parties don’t know who to contact for more information.

Adopt-A-Street Program
11200 Mississippi Blvd
Coon Rapids, MN, 55433

Release Date:  Monday, Sept. 20, 2010

CONTACT: Tesha Christensen
Office phone: (763)-555-1111
Cell phone: (763)-653-8279
Email: Tesha.christensen@anokaramsey.edu

Classroom bulletin: Story 6

Read these leads through with your newly-sharpened reporter’s eyes. What is missing? Do these leads identify the subject of the feature to the reader? Do they grab your attention?

•Anoka-Ramsey Community College Soccer Coach Brady Eichhorn-Hicks has drastically turned around the schools' soccer program into one of the most successful men's programs in the region. 

• Kathryn Kysar first realized she was a writer in high school.

• When Mary Jacobson left the world of corporate marketing over eight years ago to simply take a position that was close to home, she didn't envision that she would eventually have the ambition to advance her career in the education field.

• Educational success along with athletic success is what every student-athlete strives for, and that's what Anoka-Ramsey is all about. Three years ago, Anoka-Ramsey Community College added an addition to the faculty board, athletic director, Dave Alto.

• How many people can truly say they love their career? Philosophy and Ethics professor Kristen Klamm-Doneen of Roseville, Minn. said, “Honestly, there is not another job that I'd wish to have instead of this one.” 

• Jeff Knapp, an instructor at Anoka-Ramsey Community College, has a passion for science and the outdoors. Each year he shares this enthusiasm with students by bringing them on a weeklong camping trip into the wilderness of South Dakota where they can experience classroom material in real life. 

• Trying to better the world one person at a time is Christopher Guzik's vision and goal in life. 

GENERAL COMMENTS

• You don’t need to capitalize the names of programs or classes. Nor do you need to capitalize bachelor’s or master’s, but be sure to specify that you are referring to a bachelor’s degree.

• Don’t use present tense for words of attribution. Instead use past tense.

X) Said not says.

• Remember to use short paragraphs in news stories. Go through when you’re done writing and break up what you have. The average in a news story is one to three sentences long — not the 4-10 you see in research papers.

• When speaking about the degree someone has, use “earned” instead of “got.”

IT DOESN’T LOOK RIGHT ON PAPER

When we speak, we use slang and we change what we’re saying mid-sentence. We might start talking about a singular entity and then switch to plural. If you write down exactly what someone says, it will look and sound terrible! As a writer, you want to just use quotes that sound good and are grammatically correct. For the others, paraphrase. You don’t want to leave someone sounding uneducated and stupid when they’re not.

Classroom bulletin: Story 5

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE LEADS?

Here are the leads from your stories last week. Read them through and think about which ones are entertaining? Solid with the basic information? Which make you want to read more? Which just confuse you? How would you do things differently?

• The Anoka Ramsey Community College men's soccer team captured their 3rd consecutive Region XIII championship by defeating local rival, Century Community College this past Sunday on the Anoka-Ramsey campus soccer field.

• Every step further into the Haunted Corn Maze of Paul Bunyan Land in Brainerd, Minn., brought excitement and thrill, Saturday, Oct 22nd. “It was really scary. I heard the chainsaw and ran,” said Logan Lene, 13, of St. Francis, Minn., a visitor to the attraction. 

• Cordelia Anderson, a prominent speaker and advocate for the prevention of sexual violence, spoke at Anoka Ramsey Community College's Mental Health and Wellness event yesterday afternoon.

• The Jack-o-Lantern is an essential part of Halloween. For many families that means a trip to the pumpkin patch. Choosing a patch can be tricky, but a good one will keep families coming back year after year. 

• Rebecca Bowers, manager of a small business shop called Crystal House, arranges an annual fashion show. This public event took place on Saturday, October 15th in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

• Approximately 180 State of Minnesota employees attended an open enrollment meeting at a local state office to learn about any upcoming changes to their state benefits. 

• Each Tuesday afternoon, Tina Perpich leads a free yoga class offered to the students and faculty at Anoka-Ramsey Community College in Coon Rapids. 

• Wednesday, October 19th, heading into their last regular season game with a record of 9-6-1 Anoka-Ramsey Women's soccer pulls out with another win.

• As world-renowned designers, noted fashion photographers, socialites, media, and the rest of the fashion community gather to descend on fashion weeks worldwide, DHL Global Forwarding continues to support the fashion industry.

• Currently only 3 out of every 100 people in America donate blood. 

• Diversity and tolerance is a very hot topic in the modern world that attracts all kinds of people with differing views.  That could at least been implied from the people in attendance to a showing of the PBS documentary about the Stonewall uprising. 

GENERAL COMMENTS

• I am delighted to see so many of you taking advantage of the extra credit by submitting a photo with your story. Not only does it benefit you right now (with the extra credit), but it makes your story stronger. If you think back to what folks noticed in newspapers, the image that accompanied the story made an impact and pulled readers into the story. It’s great to use a combination of words and images to get your point across.

• Please remember to submit photos as jpg attachments to the dropbox. Images in Word docs are just screen images and can't be used for publication.

• Remember that when writing a news story off an event, you don’t have to write about things in the order that they happened. Instead, pick what was most important. Then write about what was second most important. Then third, etc. You also don’t have to include everything that happened if you run short on space or it just wasn’t that important.

• I am not able to comment on whether you spelled all the names correctly in your stories. I recommend getting in the habit of doublechecking the spelling of all names after you've written the story.

NOT YOUR JOB TO BE A CHEERLEADER

When you interview people and develop a relationship with them, it can be very tempting to turn into a cheerleader. You like them, so you want their play or concert to be successful. You want to praise what they’ve done. You want to let them know you think they were great. 

But that’s not your job. (Unless you’re writing a review, anyway, and then it’s still not your job, but you get to state your opinion.)

Your job is to remain an unbiased reporter who gives the facts. Then the readers can decide for themselves.

PUNCTUATE QUOTES CORRECTLY

Many of you are punctuating quotes incorrectly. I recommend that you brush up on your knowledge of quotes by viewing a video I have created.

View video here:

http://iteachjournalism.blogspot.com/search/label/quotations

Classroom bulletin: Story 4

Which of these leads answer the basic journalism questions (who, what, when, where, why and how)? Which entice the reader to keep going? Which get straight to the point? Which identify the individual featured right away to the reader? I encourage you to take one and figure out a way to make it shine.

As a young child, Lindsay Niemi protected worms from getting crushed and helped bugs back onto their legs. Looking back, she understands those small acts were part of her passion to care for the health and safety of animals.

Would you like the opportunity to travel all over the world as a job requirement? Most people cannot say they love their career but Nancy McMullen, who travels the world for her work, said, “I really LOVE my job.”

Are you freaked out when you see a spider crawling up your wall? Would you rather die than touch a beetle? Or, are you the type who would turn over a rock or a rotting log just to see what was living under it? If the latter describes you, then a career in entomology may be the perfect fit

Nicole Zur has always had a passion for the written word. It was this same passion that inspired her to pursue a career in a field she loves.

If you’re looking for guitar lessons, or a guide into the music world, Justin Johnson is your man.

 It's not uncommon, today, to see students in their 30s sitting along side those most recent high school graduates.

Jen McCorkle knows what it means to succeed despite challenges.

Jamie Haddox is a 27 year -old woman pursuing a career in journalism here at Anoka Ramsey Community College.

On August 14th, Megan Meyer and Mickey Cease tied the knot.

If you want opinions you can always as a sports fan and Jamie Newburg is no exception when he shares his views on his favorite team, why he loves sports and more.

OF NOTE:
• Don't use courtesy titles like Mr. or Ms. in news stories. Merely refer to people by last names.
• Be sure to identify your subject to the audience right away. You typically need an age and a town. When writing stories for the ARCC newspaper, be sure to identify the person as an ARCC student (or faculty members, etc.).
• Refer to people by their last names in news stories. Never use first names.
• Remember to properly identify subjects in your stories. For this class, you should include not just the person’s age and city of residence, but also the fact that he/she is an ARCC student.
• “Added” is a great word to use in place of “also said.”
• Use shorter paragraphs in news stories. The average should be one to three sentences long. You should always have more than one or two paragraphs in a news story.
• Use past tense not present for statements of attribution: reflected not reflects, said not says, stated not states, etc.
• The college name needs a hyphen in it: Anoka-Ramsey Community College.
• When you are writing a feature story, be sure to include a quote within the first couple paragraphs so that the reader gets to know the subject in his/her own words.
• Please remember to submit photos as jpg attachments to the dropbox. Images in Word docs are just screen images and can't be used for publication.

A GREAT WAY TO END A FEATURE STORY IS...
With a quote from the subject. It’s nice to end a feature story with the words of the person you were writing about.

KEEP YOURSELF OUT OF THE STORY
It gets harder to keep yourself out of the story when you begin conducting your own interviews. But remember to never use statements such as: “She told me,” “I think...”, and “Here at ARCC.” Never use the words “I,” “me,” “us,” or “our” in news stories unless they are in direct quotes.

ATTRIBUTE INFORMATION
Remember to attribute all information in a news story. You have to point out that so-and-so said this or thinks that. Otherwise the reader will assume you think so.

Also, don’t assume that by putting quotation marks around a sentence that the reader will know who said it because the last time you put in a quote it was from the same person. Always, always, always say “she said” after or before a direct quote.

BRING YOUR GRADES UP
I encourage you to take advantage of the extra credit options I offer. Submit a photo with a story to earn 20 extra credit points. Submit a video for 100 extra credit points.

When submitting a photo, remember to upload it to the dropbox as a JPG attachment. Don’t pop it into the Word doc as that won’t work for publication because it is just a screen image.

DON’T ASSUME A READER KNOWS WHAT THE ACRONYM STANDS FOR
Don’t assume your reader know what PSEO or ARCC means. Instead, write out the full name or term the first time you use is in a news story and then follow that with the acronym in parentheses. After that you can just use the acronym.
EXAMPLE: Call is an 18 year old PSEO student at ARCC.
FIX: Call is an 18 year old student at Anoka-Ramsey Community College (ARCC) through the Post Secondary Enrollment Options (PSEO) program.  As a PSEO student, Call doesn’t have to pay for his own tuition.

DON’T INCLUDE YOUR QUESTIONS IN THE STORY
The reader doesn’t need to know what questions you asked during the interview. The reader doesn’t need to see the frame of your interview at all. Avoid phrases such as: “When asked...” or “he answered.” Just provide what he/she said.

Classroom bulletin: story three

Consider these leads, and ask yourself: Would I read farther into this story after reading the lead?

When Carmen Foucault, of 1425 Penham Avenue, Blaine, Minn., arrived at Mercy Hospital in Coon Rapids on Wednesday, October 28th, doctors told her that her son would not survive and that he could be a donor if he was kept alive until they could remove his organs. What she got a few days later was a bill from Mercy Hospital.

Marsha L. Taylor, 37, of Coon Rapids is an avid bicyclist. She is recovering from injuries she received when she was hit by a car while riding her bicycle. 

A 37-year-old avid bicyclist was out for a short ride when she was hit by a car from behind which sent her flying off the bike and inflicting serious injuries. 

Marsha L. Taylor was released from the hospital Tuesday after a bike accident left her in the hospital with multiple injuries.

Kevin Blohm was murdered in an early-morning robbery at North Point Inn restaurant yesterday.  Nina Cortez, the resident bookkeeper, says that $130 was stolen from her by an armed man in his early 20s.  

Around 9 A.M. yesterday morning, Nina Cortez, former bookkeeper of North Point Inn, found Kevin Blohm lying on the floor, dead. 

Local Restaurant Worker is stabbed and killed by a masked man in an attempted robbery.

Around 9 A.M. yesterday morning, Nina Cortez, former bookkeeper of North Point Inn, found Kevin Blohm lying on the floor, dead. 

College student Michele Schipper fought back yesterday when a man demanded her purse outside a convenience store in Motley. 

A local college student, Michele Schipper, took down a robber who tried to make her a victim at 4:00 p.m., Monday afternoon. She punched and kicked her way to safety. 

Today at 4 pm a robbery was committed at in a convenience store parking lot but the tables were turned on the robber thanks to the action of the victim, Michele Schipper.

QUOTES

Some of you are punctuating quotes incorrectly. Here is a video where I show you how to do it correctly. http://iteachjournalism.blogspot.com/2010/03/video-how-to-punctuate-quotes.html

Be sure to place your comma in the correct place, as well as your punctuation marks. And be sure to use past tense for statements of attribution. Said not says.

EXAMPLE #1: “It really only lasted a second, just as long as it would take for you to kick someone and then drive away in the car. It really only lasted a second.” Schipper commented. 

FIX: “It really only lasted a second, just as long as it would take for you to kick someone and then drive away in the car. It really only lasted a second,” Schipper commented. 

EXAMPLE #2: “It really only lasted a second, just as long as it would take for you to kick someone and then drive away in the car. Said Schipper. “It really only lasted a second.” 

FIX:  “It really only lasted a second, just as long as it would take for you to kick someone and then drive away in the car,“ said Schipper. “It really only lasted a second.” 

THINGS OF NOTE:

• Remember to use past tense for words of attribution: said not says.

• The correct name of the college is Anoka-Ramsey Community College. Note the capitalization and hyphen.

• Remember to point out in the story where you got the information that you included in your story. Was it from an official source, like the police chief? Or from an eyewitness? For example, in the robbery story, you need to say: according to Nina Cortez, she was was counting money when a man came in and grabbed $130 off her desk. Or, Michele Schipper recalled that she was walking back to her car at the convenience store when a man came up to her and said, “Give me your purse.”

• One of the best ways you can end a feature story is with a quote.

Consider these examples:

Example #1) She said, “Well, the main thing is protective clothing, especially the helmet. I never ride unless I have my helmet. It probably saved my life.”

Example #2) Gant added, “Think of sleep like exercise. People exercise because it's healthy. Sleep is healthy.”

VIDEO What is an enterprise story?

VIDEO News matters

VIDEO Keep self out of stories

Keep your self and your opinions out of news stories. Watch to find out why it's important, and how you can avoid this common mistake.

VIDEO Write better stories

Here are some tips for writing better stories. Do these things before submitting your stories.

CLASSROOM BULLETIN: Story 2

Read these leads critically. In how many do you spot adjectives? Which ones state the point of the story concisely? Which ones are specific and not vague?

The Anoka county sheriff Gus DiCesari pleaded with county commissioners for more funds for the sheriff's department on Thursday afternoon, and was denied by a vote of 5-2. 

A request for additional funds turned into a debate about migrant workers during a meeting on Thursday when Todd County Commissioners voted against the sheriff's request for $580,000 to purchase eight new police cruisers and hire five additional deputies.

Today Washington County officials and the County Sheriff , Gus Decisari, gathered to discuss the possible adding of equipment and personel to the cities police department.

A meeting between the county sheriff and the county commissioners took place Thursday afternoon to discuss additional funding for the police department. 

County commissioners and the sheriff battled over this year's budget allocations during their meeting Thursday afternoon. Sheriff Gus Dicesari accused the commission's president, Anne Chenn, of putting people's lives in jeopardy by short-changing the sheriff's department to save money.

Washington County's annual $127 million budget will not be enough to help out local law enforcement.  

At a meeting Thursday afternoon, disagreements boiled over between the county sheriff and several county commissioners over personnel and equipment for the sheriff's department.

Sheriff Gus DiCesari of Anoka County had a heated discussion with the county commissioners on Thursday over equipment and personnel. 

Recent budget concerns have led to a dispute at a Wright county meeting, on Thursday afternoon, between Sheriff Gus DiCesari who feels that the police department is being “shortchanged” by the county commissioners and not providing them with the funds they need for new cars and personal and Commission President Anne Chen who feels that DiCesari is wrong.

AVOID REDUNDANCY

Reporters don’t have the space to be redundant, and need to write crisply and cleanly to get their point across. Consider these examples:

• DiCesari asked for funds to be able to hire five new sheriff deputies as well as purchase eight new police cruisers.  The estimated cost to supply both the new deputies and cruisers was $580,000.  

PROBLEM: The writer talks about the deputies and cruisers twice.

FIX: DiCesari asked for $580,000 to hire five new sheriff deputies and purchase eight new police cruisers.  

• The county had just recently spent $30 million to build a new prison.

PROBLEM: Had and recently say the same thing. Use one or the other.

FIX: The county recently spent $30 million to build a new prison.

THINGS TO PAY ATTENTION TO

• Avoid using “claimed” as a word of attribution. See a list of words to use and words to avoid on pages 253-254 in your textbook.

• The correct spelling of the sheriff’s name is DiCesari. Punctuation of a name does matter. Be sure to check all names and addresses against the city directory in the rear of your textbook. The misspelling of a name means the lost of 10 or more points in a story.

• Remember to break up your stories into multiple paragraphs. It is very hard for a reader to enter into a big block of text. In news stories, paragraphs should be one to three sentences on average.

• Don’t confuse “police” and “sheriff’s department” as being the same thing. Police are part of city government. The sheriff's department is part of county government. The State Patrol is part of the state government. Yes, their function is the same, but they are paid by different sources and operate differently. Also, cities and counties are seperate entities.

• Many of you wanted to tell instead of show. First, avoid all adjectives and adverbs. Second, it is better to illustrate that “heated discussion” by showing through your use of quotes what was heated about it. Your reader will pick up on the drama without you smacking them in the face with the term “heated discussion.”

• Many of you are still making mistakes on numbers. Remember this AP rule: Spell out one to nine. Use the numerals for 10 and above. The exceptions to this: For ages and dollar amounts, you always use the numerals. I suggest writing a note and taping it to your computer until you get in the habit of doing this.

• Remember to double space your stories. And be sure to spellcheck before submitting them.

VIDEO Interview tips

An interview is a conversation. Just remember to listen more than you speak.

EDITORIAL From the Foo Fighters to Michele Bachmann: Questions about media freedom and control

Twin Cities Daily Planet Editor Mary Turck considers the ethical questions surrounding concert photos and requirements politicians place on photos of themselves.

http://www.tcdailyplanet.net/column/mary-turck/foo-fighters-to-michele-bachmann

EXCERPT:

In May, for example, the Poynter Institute raised the question of staged photos following the president's announcement of the death of Osama Bin Laden. According to senior AP Staff Photographer Pablo Martinez Monsivais, “The statement for the photographers took place two to three minutes after the live speech and it happened very quickly — extremely fast — with each photographer rotating into the center position.”

Poynter noted that AP reveals in its captions that the photo is taken after the news conference, but not all newspapers publish that disclaimer. The practice had been standard for a long time:
Doug Mills, New York Times photojournalist and former Associated Press staffer, says it has been done this way “always, always … well, as long as I have covered the White House, going back to the Reagan administration. We [still photographers] have never, never, never, ever been allowed to cover a live presidential address to the nation!”

Poynter noted that "this practice of re-enacting a historic speech flies directly in the face of the National Press Photographers Association Code of Ethics, which includes this relevant passage: 'Resist being manipulated by staged photo opportunities.'"

VIDEO How to punctuate quotes

Are you punctuating quotes correctly? Make sure by watching this video.

VIDEO Write a good second paragraph

What comes after the lead? Your second paragraph. What makes a good one? Watch and find out.

CLASSROOM BULLETIN: Story 1

• Please remember to doublespace your stories. Place your name and the story number at the top, along with a slug line. (Refer to your syllabus if you’re not sure what a slug line is.)

• When it comes to numbers, remember this rule: Spell out one to nine. Use numerals for 10+. Exceptions are ages and years.

• It’s tractor-trailer (Needs a hyphen). This is the precise term for “semi” which is used in speech but not in writing.

• Avoid repetition in a news story. Be consise and to the point. Offer new details as you move through the story rather than restate what you already said.

• Question - How important do you think the traffic piece of this is to your readers? Should that information be placed earlier in the story instead of at the end?

AVOID WORDINESS IN NEWS STORIES

As it is in other styles of writing, you want to avoid wordiness and redundancy in news stories.

Ex) I-790 had to be closed.

FIX: I-790 was closed.

Ex) Sgt. Albert Wei counted the number of vehicles involved at 18.

FIX: Sgt. Albert Wei said 18 vehicles were involved.

MAKE SURE YOUR QUOTES ARE ACCURATE

Many of you made some of the quotes from the story into direct quotes. I applaud your desire to add direct quotes into the news story, and agree that it does make a story more powerful. However, in this instance, there were no direct quotes in your notes. If you don’t know for sure something is a direct quote, you can’t use it as such. One of the places reporters get into trouble with is their quotes. You want to be as correct as possible. Never make changes to how someone said something either.

SHOW DON’T TELL

Many of you included adjectives like “violent” and “severe” to describe the crash. Pull those out of your writing whenever you see them there. In journalism you want to show, not tell the reader. By using details like “deaths of two people”  or “20 injured” readers can judge for themselves what type of crash this was.

PUNCTUATION OF QUOTES

We'll be learning about how to correctly punctuatate quotes next week when we read Chapter 10 in our textbook. However, if you want to work on this area now, I encourage you to do the chapter 2 exercise in chapter 10 on pages 266-67. There is an answer key in the back so you can check your work and learn as you go.

YOUR CITY

When your textbook says “your city”, go ahead and substitute the name of a city, such as Coon Rapids.

YOUR LEADS

Read through these leads to see how your fellow classmates approached this subject. I’m sure you’ll get some ideas on what to do next time and some ideas of what to avoid.

• A fatal accident occurred this morning at 6:45 a.m. on Interstate 790, on the western edge of Forest Lake. 

• Four tractor trailers and 14 cars were involved in an accident at 6:45 a.m. today on Interstate 790 north bound near the west side of  Anytown, Minn. 

• Two people were killed and 20 others injured in an early morning crash involving four tractor trailers and 14 cars on the northbound lanes of Interstate 790. 

• A deadly car crash pile-up, involving 18 vehicles, occurred at 6:45 a.m. this morning on Interstate 790. 

• The grisly 18-vehicle pileup on I-790 this morning at 6:45 a.m. “looked like something from a war zone,” according to Fire Chief Tony Sullivan. 

•      Two people were killed and many others injured in this mornings commute when two tractor-trailers collided on Interstate 790. 

• A crash between two tractor-trailers, at 6:45 a.m. this morning, led to a massive chain of car wrecks on the northbound lanes of Interstate 790 that has left two dead and 20 injured. 

• Two tractor trailers collided around 6:45 this morning on Interstate 790, leaving two dead and twenty people injured.

• A tractor-trailer containing diesel fuel collided with another trailer early this morning on I-790, leaving two dead and 20 injured. 

• Until this morning's accident on the east side of Big Lake, Chief Tony Sullivan had never witnessed anything this bad in his 18_ years with the fire department.

•      Two people were killed today and 20 were injured in a multiple vehicle accident on Interstate 790 at 6:45 a.m.

Commentary on the future of journalism

"At a time when mainstream news media are hemorrhaging and doomsayers are predicting the death of journalism (at least as we've known it), take heart: The free press is alive and well in small towns across America, thanks to the editors of thousands of weeklies who, for very little money and a fair amount of aggravation, keep on telling it like it is. Sometimes they tell it gently, in code only the locals understand. After all, they have to live there too. But they also tell it with courage, standing up to powerful bullies — from coal company thugs in Kentucky to corrupt politicians in the Texas Panhandle."

Read more at:
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-muller-weeklies-20110913,0,3782815.story

VIDEO The Machine is Us/ing Us

VIDEO So Sue Me

VIDEO Practice Makes Better

You don't write a perfect news story at the first try. But by trying again and again, you'll find your way to success.

Classroom bulletin: Session 4 leads

GREAT HEADLINE, POOR LEAD
When it comes to writing leads, remember that they aren’t the same as writing headlines. A lead is the first sentence in your story. It should be a complete sentence. Be sure to include articles like “a,” “an,” and “the.” In most cases the lead should be written in the past tense because the event/crash/etc. occured in the past. Someone was charged with a crime. The mayor made an announcement at a press conference. Also, be sure to try to provide an answer to the basic journalism questions in every lead (who, what, when, where, why and how).

View a video about the differences between leads and headlines: Click here

• New fire tax proposed by the mayor
FIX: On Monday night, the mayor proposed a new fire tax that he hopes will eliminate a $6 million deficit.

• New program established to help teachers get housing
FIX: A new program has been established that will help teachers get housing.


GOOD LEADS
These leads make a point using specific details. They are not overly general. They include answers to the main journalism questions (who, what, when, where, why and how) without trying to pack everything into one sentence.

An 8-year-old boy was arrested yesterday and taken to a juvenile detention facility after allegedly slapping a girl on the cheek at the playground.

An 8-year-old boy was arrested yesterday after slapping a girl in the face at a playground.

An 8-year old boy was arrested on a battery charge yesterday for slapping a girl across the face at the Riverview Park playground.

An 8-year-old boy was arrested this afternoon at Riverview Park on a battery charge after slapping a girl who was trying to use a swing on the playground.

A policeman arrested an 8-year-old boy for a battery charge yesterday at Riverview Park. An internal investigation will ensue to examine the decision for arrest, says the police chief.

A woman was charged with grand theft today after federal investigators discovered she concealed her grandmother's death 20-years ago and has since collected over $200,000 in social security checks.

A woman has been charged with grand theft after allegedly collecting more than $200,000 in social security payments from her long-deceased grandmother.

Mayor Sabrina Datolli proposed a new fire tax today that would charge an annual fee to homeowners, churches, businesses and schools. City Council member Carole Nyad calls the proposed tax “bazaar.”

Local school officials today unveiled a new program that will offer below-market interest rates on mortgage loans for teachers and administrators in public schools.

A new program aimed at helping teachers pay for their mortgage was revealed by local school officials in hopes that will lower teacher shortages in schools.

Fire Chief Tony Sullivan announced today that the tradition of sliding down a pole to get to the fire engine will end when the old multistory firehouse is replaced with a new one-story station.

The fire chief announced today that all multi-story stations will be demolished by early next year and replaced with new one-story stations, ending a 100-year tradition of fireman sliding down the pole.

The fire chief announced today that the fire department is building one-story stations and replacing multi-story firehouses to eliminate the dangers associated with sliding down poles.

Today the Big Lake fire chief announced that the old firehouse will be replaced with a new single-story building, bringing an end to the century-old tradition of sliding down the brass pole, and the injuries that went with it.


OPINION
Many  of you found it hard to keep opinion out of the lead about teachers. By saying that teacher’s aren’t paid much and can’t afford down payments, you are being opinionated. To fix this problem, you need to attribute the opinion to someone, or merely state that a new program has been created to help teachers afford to buy homes.


Unbiased: 
• Local school officials have launched a program that will offer mortgages to teachers who are purchasing a home for the first time.
• School officials have proposed a plan to help the ease the financial difficulties faced by many teachers. The plan, which was proposed today, would allow teachers to obtain more affordable mortgages.

BUT WHEN?
Many of you neglected to include the all-important “when” in your leads. Readers need to know when something happened to put it into context.

• Policeman Roger Temple arrested a juvenile boy around 4 p.m. at Riverview Park for allegedly slapping a girl in the face.
FIX: Policeman Roger Temple arrested a juvenile boy yesterday around 4 p.m. at Riverview Park for allegedly slapping a girl in the face.

• Police arrested a child on the playground at Riverview Park for striking another child on the face.
FIX: Yesterday, police arrested a child on the playground at Riverview Park for striking another child on the face.


DON’T ASSUME GUILT
Be careful to not assume someone is guilty until a jury finds her guilty. You don’t want to be sued! In discussing crime, always be sure to state that someone has been charged, or that “according to so and so” this happened.

WRONG WAY
• A woman hid her deceased grandmother’s body in a trunk and illegally collected social security for 20 years.

RIGHT WAY
• Today police charged a woman with grand theft after they learned she had been collecting her grandmother’s social security checks for 20 years. The woman told police her grandmother died of natural causes and she hid the body in her basement in order to continue receiving her checks.


COMMON AP STYLE ERRORS THIS WEEK
• Remember to spell out numbers one to nine and use the numerals for 10+. Exceptions to this rule are ages and years.
• Don’t use the word “dollar”. Instead, use just the $ sign.

ETHICAL ISSUE
What do you think of the use of “dumb cop” in a quote? Should the quote be paraphrased to eliminate the use of the phrase?

FORMAT
Remember to include your name and information on the exercise (For example: Leads, chapter 7, exercise 3) at the top of the document you hand in.

VIDEO Checklist for writing leads

Write Great Leads

VIDEO Language of the news

Some people criticize journalism as being for people who are boring writers. They seem to think that just because they can’t put their own opinion into news stories or use a lot of adjectives that the story is plain. I counter that it’s harder to write a crisp, clean news story than it is to write a novel. Watch the video to hear my reasons why.

Classroom bulletin: Session 2 leads

Remember that at the most basic, a lead should include the answers to questions that the reader has, including who, what, when, where, why and how. Ocassionally, to be creative, you can neglect to answer a few of those questions in the lead, but certain ones always need to be answered. You should almost always tell the reader when something happened. You should say who is affected. You should tell the reader where something happened so the reader knows if this affects him/her.

Consider these good leads written by your classmates:

• The sweltering heat that claimed the lives of three elderly residents may have been prevented, according to officials.  Police say they found a pair of fans and an air conditioner in each of the victims' homes that were still in their boxes - they had never been installed.

• An 8-year-old boy is in critical condition after being struck by a train Saturday afternoon. Police have charged the boy's mother with several counts of child endangerment after learning the mother allegedly did not help the boy, but taunted him as the train approached.

• A local paramedic is trying to get his job back after being informed that the positive HIV test he received eight years ago was a mistake.  

• Local paramedic, Julius Povacz, lost his job after testing positive for HIV. However, in a recent turn of events, Povacz learned he is not HIV positive and now fights to get his job back.

• While on her cell phone with her insurance company, a 25 year old woman severely injured a 44 year old man when she rear ended him in rush hour traffic.

• A grieving woman came home from her husband’s funeral yesterday to find her house plundered. Her sewing machine, small kitchen appliances, and a stamp collection were among the stolen items. 

• The home of Dorothy R. Ellam was burglarized yesterday afternoon while she was attending the funeral of her late husband, who died one day prior to the break in.  The total loss was expected to equal $8,000. 

GOOD BUT MISSING THE WHEN

One of the fundamental rules about journalism is that a story must be timely. You don’t give readers information about anything that is a month or two old. You let them know what is going on now. Consider what has been lost by not including the when in these leads:

• While talking to her insurance company about an error on a bill, Cheryl Nicholls struck the rear of a pickup truck. 

• While attending her husband's funeral,  Dorothy Elam's home was burglarized. 

• After attending her husband's funeral, Dorothy R. Elam learned that her home had been burglarized. 

WRITE IN PAST TENSE

• When you’re writing sentences in news stories, you should almost always use the past tense. Save present tense for your headlines and photo cutlines. 

The mother was charged (in the past and now you’re writing about it; or she is expected to be charged tomorrow. 

Three people died over the past two days, announced officials from the city’s health department.

DON’T GIVE INANIMATE OBJECTS ATTRIBUTES THEY CAN’T POSSESS

Be wary about giving objects attributes they can’t possess. An afternoon can’t witness anything; people can witness events on an afternoon. High temperatures don’t kill people; they did because of the high temperatures.

X) Saturday afternoon witnessed a train colliding into a boy while his mother taunted him from safety, according to several witnesses.

FIX: Witness on Saturday afternoon watched a train collide into a boy while his mother taunted him.

KEEP YOUR OPINION OUT OF THE STORY

You are an unbiased reporter giving the details and facts about an event or crime. Keep your opinion out of it. Never use adjectives in a news story. Give your readers the facts, and let them decide for themselves what to think.

X) 1. Destiny Schifini has been charged with numerous criminal offenses pertaining to the horrific injuries sustained by her eight year old son, after he was hit by an oncoming train. He remains in critical condition. 

FIX) Destiny Schifini has been charged with numerous criminal offenses pertaining to the injuries sustained by her eight year old son after he was hit by an oncoming train.

X) Widow’s home shamelessly burglarized while she attended her late husband’s funeral.

FIX: A widow’s home was burglarized while she attended her late husband’s funeral.

REMEMBER TO USE ARTICLES

Remember to use articles (the, a and an) in your sentences to make the stories flow. The only time in news stories that you don’t use articles is in headlines and subheads. 

X) Widow’s home shamelessly burglarized while she attended her late husband’s funeral.

FIX: A widow’s...

X) Divorced mother of two is being charged with multiple misdemeanors after she allowed her eight-year-old son to be struck by a train.

FIX: A divorced mother of two...

VIDEO AP Style: What to focus on

Not sure what to focus on when it comes to AP Style? Watch this video and find out.

VIDEO Newswriting Style

Writing a news story isn't like writing a diary entry or an email to family members about your fishing trip. It's not like writing a newsletter to garner support for your non-profit. Here are five tips to help you write better news stories that fit into the newswriting style.

Join the student newspaper and practice your journalism skills

Calling all writers, videographers, graphic designers, web designers and students interested in PR/marketing/social media! The student newspapers need you.

On the Cambridge Campus, it's the Ink Spot. http://myinkspotnewspaper.weebly.com/. Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ink-Spot-newspaper-at-ARCC/155445681148822

On the Coon Rapids Campus, it is the Rampage.

Enroll in JOUR1109 for 1 credit or join the staff for no credit. It's your choice.

If you're interested, please contact Trisha Collopy at trisha.collopy@anokaramsey.edu

VIDEO Headlines vs. leads

Get help creating a blog on blogger.com

Not sure how to set up a blog? You're not alone! Check out these videos to learn how.

How to create a blog with Blogger

Adding a Google Gadget to your blog

Blogger Help Center Video

Adjusting your Blogger privacy settings

VIDEO: Online Learning: Tips for Success

See more help by clicking on the Resources for Online Students tab.


IS ONLINE LEARNING FOR YOU?
According to the Illinois Online Network, the following are characteristics of successful online learners:
• Open-minded about sharing life, work and educational experiences as part of the learning process.
• Able to communicate through writing.
• Self-motivated and self-disciplined.
• Willing to “speak up” if problems arise.
• Able and willing to commit four to 15 hours per week per course.
• Accept critical thinking and decision making as part of the process.
• Have access to a computer and a modem, and have the ability to use them.
• Able to think ideas through before responding.
• Feel that high-quality learning can take place without going to a traditional classroom.

TIPS FOR SUCCESS:
• Be a noisy learner. Be active and creative in the learning process.
• Establish a presence online. Be sure to post an introduction on your blog, and fill out the user profile information on D2L. Include a photo so that your fellow classmates can put a face to the name.
• Push yourself to get involved and enter into the classroom discussion. I expect you to respond to all of student colleagues at one point or another in either the discussions or blog posts. I realize that some of you see another on campus and others are at a distance. Because of this, it’s not unusual for you to talk to only the people you know, but push yourself out of your comfort zone and make some new friends at a distance.
• Keep up-to-date with assignments. It’s easy to fall behind and tough to catch up.
• Use a detailed planner to keep track of your assignments.
• Email the instructor as soon as you foresee problems, not afterwards when you’re buried.
• Realize that online classes are not “easier” than seated classes, but depending on your skills may actually take more time. Pinpoint your strengths and weaknesses and set realistic timeframes for getting your work done.
• Have contingency plans for computer problems as well as late arrival of textbooks. Become familiar with the local library, Internet services, and community college resources. Seek out friends, family and even coworkers who have Internet services in case your computer crashes. This way you will stay current with your weekly assignments.

VIDEO Syllabus

Be sure to also print out your syllabus and assignment schedule and read it thoroughly. I also recommend adding the twice-weekly assignments to your calendar to keep yourself organized. Please contact me with any questions.

Introduction

I love journalism. I think that journalists are needed to serve as government watchdogs and to inform the public. It is a nobel job.

That’s why I’m teaching this course.

Whether or not you choose to make journalism your career, you will learn important lessons from this class. It doesn’t matter where you work, you need to know how to write well. You need to know how to communicate an idea. You need to write so that you catch people’s attention. You will learn that in this course.

I have been a journalist for over 12 years. I worked at the STAR newspaper in Cambridge as the assistant editor until March of 2009. We covered all of Isanti County and half of Chisago County. My beats included Cambridge City Council, Isanti County Board, District 911 School Board and Harris City Council. Over the years, I had also covered Braham City and School, Rush CIty School and City Council, Isanti City and Chisago County Board. I've written for the Isanti County News, Twin Cities Daily Planet and Longfellow/Nokomis Messenger as a stringer. Over the years, I've written about crime and crashes, philanthropists and businesses. And I've told the stories of average, everyday people.

I earned several awards over the years for my work from the Minnesota Newspaper Association. Among them are Best Photo, Best Feature Story and Best Social Interest Story.

To view stories I wrote while working at the STAR and Isanti County News, go to
http://stories-i-tell.blogspot.com/

I have also written numerous stories and press releases for a variety of non-profits, including the Isanti County Historical Society and the Performing Arts Committee. In addition, I created the Isanti County Historical Society web site and regularly update it (www.ichs.ws).

I have been teaching at ARCC for five years.

I recently moved to Minneapolis from Cambridge, the town I grew up in. I am married to Jesse Pettit, a mechanical engineer, and I have a 2.5 year-old daughter named Joselyn. She's the apple of my eye.

I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you!