Classroom bulletin: Story 4

Which of these leads answer the basic journalism questions (who, what, when, where, why and how)? Which entice the reader to keep going? Which get straight to the point? Which identify the individual featured right away to the reader? I encourage you to take one and figure out a way to make it shine.

As a young child, Lindsay Niemi protected worms from getting crushed and helped bugs back onto their legs. Looking back, she understands those small acts were part of her passion to care for the health and safety of animals.

Would you like the opportunity to travel all over the world as a job requirement? Most people cannot say they love their career but Nancy McMullen, who travels the world for her work, said, “I really LOVE my job.”

Are you freaked out when you see a spider crawling up your wall? Would you rather die than touch a beetle? Or, are you the type who would turn over a rock or a rotting log just to see what was living under it? If the latter describes you, then a career in entomology may be the perfect fit

Nicole Zur has always had a passion for the written word. It was this same passion that inspired her to pursue a career in a field she loves.

If you’re looking for guitar lessons, or a guide into the music world, Justin Johnson is your man.

 It's not uncommon, today, to see students in their 30s sitting along side those most recent high school graduates.

Jen McCorkle knows what it means to succeed despite challenges.

Jamie Haddox is a 27 year -old woman pursuing a career in journalism here at Anoka Ramsey Community College.

On August 14th, Megan Meyer and Mickey Cease tied the knot.

If you want opinions you can always as a sports fan and Jamie Newburg is no exception when he shares his views on his favorite team, why he loves sports and more.

OF NOTE:
• Don't use courtesy titles like Mr. or Ms. in news stories. Merely refer to people by last names.
• Be sure to identify your subject to the audience right away. You typically need an age and a town. When writing stories for the ARCC newspaper, be sure to identify the person as an ARCC student (or faculty members, etc.).
• Refer to people by their last names in news stories. Never use first names.
• Remember to properly identify subjects in your stories. For this class, you should include not just the person’s age and city of residence, but also the fact that he/she is an ARCC student.
• “Added” is a great word to use in place of “also said.”
• Use shorter paragraphs in news stories. The average should be one to three sentences long. You should always have more than one or two paragraphs in a news story.
• Use past tense not present for statements of attribution: reflected not reflects, said not says, stated not states, etc.
• The college name needs a hyphen in it: Anoka-Ramsey Community College.
• When you are writing a feature story, be sure to include a quote within the first couple paragraphs so that the reader gets to know the subject in his/her own words.
• Please remember to submit photos as jpg attachments to the dropbox. Images in Word docs are just screen images and can't be used for publication.

A GREAT WAY TO END A FEATURE STORY IS...
With a quote from the subject. It’s nice to end a feature story with the words of the person you were writing about.

KEEP YOURSELF OUT OF THE STORY
It gets harder to keep yourself out of the story when you begin conducting your own interviews. But remember to never use statements such as: “She told me,” “I think...”, and “Here at ARCC.” Never use the words “I,” “me,” “us,” or “our” in news stories unless they are in direct quotes.

ATTRIBUTE INFORMATION
Remember to attribute all information in a news story. You have to point out that so-and-so said this or thinks that. Otherwise the reader will assume you think so.

Also, don’t assume that by putting quotation marks around a sentence that the reader will know who said it because the last time you put in a quote it was from the same person. Always, always, always say “she said” after or before a direct quote.

BRING YOUR GRADES UP
I encourage you to take advantage of the extra credit options I offer. Submit a photo with a story to earn 20 extra credit points. Submit a video for 100 extra credit points.

When submitting a photo, remember to upload it to the dropbox as a JPG attachment. Don’t pop it into the Word doc as that won’t work for publication because it is just a screen image.

DON’T ASSUME A READER KNOWS WHAT THE ACRONYM STANDS FOR
Don’t assume your reader know what PSEO or ARCC means. Instead, write out the full name or term the first time you use is in a news story and then follow that with the acronym in parentheses. After that you can just use the acronym.
EXAMPLE: Call is an 18 year old PSEO student at ARCC.
FIX: Call is an 18 year old student at Anoka-Ramsey Community College (ARCC) through the Post Secondary Enrollment Options (PSEO) program.  As a PSEO student, Call doesn’t have to pay for his own tuition.

DON’T INCLUDE YOUR QUESTIONS IN THE STORY
The reader doesn’t need to know what questions you asked during the interview. The reader doesn’t need to see the frame of your interview at all. Avoid phrases such as: “When asked...” or “he answered.” Just provide what he/she said.

Classroom bulletin: story three

Consider these leads, and ask yourself: Would I read farther into this story after reading the lead?

When Carmen Foucault, of 1425 Penham Avenue, Blaine, Minn., arrived at Mercy Hospital in Coon Rapids on Wednesday, October 28th, doctors told her that her son would not survive and that he could be a donor if he was kept alive until they could remove his organs. What she got a few days later was a bill from Mercy Hospital.

Marsha L. Taylor, 37, of Coon Rapids is an avid bicyclist. She is recovering from injuries she received when she was hit by a car while riding her bicycle. 

A 37-year-old avid bicyclist was out for a short ride when she was hit by a car from behind which sent her flying off the bike and inflicting serious injuries. 

Marsha L. Taylor was released from the hospital Tuesday after a bike accident left her in the hospital with multiple injuries.

Kevin Blohm was murdered in an early-morning robbery at North Point Inn restaurant yesterday.  Nina Cortez, the resident bookkeeper, says that $130 was stolen from her by an armed man in his early 20s.  

Around 9 A.M. yesterday morning, Nina Cortez, former bookkeeper of North Point Inn, found Kevin Blohm lying on the floor, dead. 

Local Restaurant Worker is stabbed and killed by a masked man in an attempted robbery.

Around 9 A.M. yesterday morning, Nina Cortez, former bookkeeper of North Point Inn, found Kevin Blohm lying on the floor, dead. 

College student Michele Schipper fought back yesterday when a man demanded her purse outside a convenience store in Motley. 

A local college student, Michele Schipper, took down a robber who tried to make her a victim at 4:00 p.m., Monday afternoon. She punched and kicked her way to safety. 

Today at 4 pm a robbery was committed at in a convenience store parking lot but the tables were turned on the robber thanks to the action of the victim, Michele Schipper.

QUOTES

Some of you are punctuating quotes incorrectly. Here is a video where I show you how to do it correctly. http://iteachjournalism.blogspot.com/2010/03/video-how-to-punctuate-quotes.html

Be sure to place your comma in the correct place, as well as your punctuation marks. And be sure to use past tense for statements of attribution. Said not says.

EXAMPLE #1: “It really only lasted a second, just as long as it would take for you to kick someone and then drive away in the car. It really only lasted a second.” Schipper commented. 

FIX: “It really only lasted a second, just as long as it would take for you to kick someone and then drive away in the car. It really only lasted a second,” Schipper commented. 

EXAMPLE #2: “It really only lasted a second, just as long as it would take for you to kick someone and then drive away in the car. Said Schipper. “It really only lasted a second.” 

FIX:  “It really only lasted a second, just as long as it would take for you to kick someone and then drive away in the car,“ said Schipper. “It really only lasted a second.” 

THINGS OF NOTE:

• Remember to use past tense for words of attribution: said not says.

• The correct name of the college is Anoka-Ramsey Community College. Note the capitalization and hyphen.

• Remember to point out in the story where you got the information that you included in your story. Was it from an official source, like the police chief? Or from an eyewitness? For example, in the robbery story, you need to say: according to Nina Cortez, she was was counting money when a man came in and grabbed $130 off her desk. Or, Michele Schipper recalled that she was walking back to her car at the convenience store when a man came up to her and said, “Give me your purse.”

• One of the best ways you can end a feature story is with a quote.

Consider these examples:

Example #1) She said, “Well, the main thing is protective clothing, especially the helmet. I never ride unless I have my helmet. It probably saved my life.”

Example #2) Gant added, “Think of sleep like exercise. People exercise because it's healthy. Sleep is healthy.”

VIDEO What is an enterprise story?

VIDEO News matters

VIDEO Keep self out of stories

Keep your self and your opinions out of news stories. Watch to find out why it's important, and how you can avoid this common mistake.

VIDEO Write better stories

Here are some tips for writing better stories. Do these things before submitting your stories.

CLASSROOM BULLETIN: Story 2

Read these leads critically. In how many do you spot adjectives? Which ones state the point of the story concisely? Which ones are specific and not vague?

The Anoka county sheriff Gus DiCesari pleaded with county commissioners for more funds for the sheriff's department on Thursday afternoon, and was denied by a vote of 5-2. 

A request for additional funds turned into a debate about migrant workers during a meeting on Thursday when Todd County Commissioners voted against the sheriff's request for $580,000 to purchase eight new police cruisers and hire five additional deputies.

Today Washington County officials and the County Sheriff , Gus Decisari, gathered to discuss the possible adding of equipment and personel to the cities police department.

A meeting between the county sheriff and the county commissioners took place Thursday afternoon to discuss additional funding for the police department. 

County commissioners and the sheriff battled over this year's budget allocations during their meeting Thursday afternoon. Sheriff Gus Dicesari accused the commission's president, Anne Chenn, of putting people's lives in jeopardy by short-changing the sheriff's department to save money.

Washington County's annual $127 million budget will not be enough to help out local law enforcement.  

At a meeting Thursday afternoon, disagreements boiled over between the county sheriff and several county commissioners over personnel and equipment for the sheriff's department.

Sheriff Gus DiCesari of Anoka County had a heated discussion with the county commissioners on Thursday over equipment and personnel. 

Recent budget concerns have led to a dispute at a Wright county meeting, on Thursday afternoon, between Sheriff Gus DiCesari who feels that the police department is being “shortchanged” by the county commissioners and not providing them with the funds they need for new cars and personal and Commission President Anne Chen who feels that DiCesari is wrong.

AVOID REDUNDANCY

Reporters don’t have the space to be redundant, and need to write crisply and cleanly to get their point across. Consider these examples:

• DiCesari asked for funds to be able to hire five new sheriff deputies as well as purchase eight new police cruisers.  The estimated cost to supply both the new deputies and cruisers was $580,000.  

PROBLEM: The writer talks about the deputies and cruisers twice.

FIX: DiCesari asked for $580,000 to hire five new sheriff deputies and purchase eight new police cruisers.  

• The county had just recently spent $30 million to build a new prison.

PROBLEM: Had and recently say the same thing. Use one or the other.

FIX: The county recently spent $30 million to build a new prison.

THINGS TO PAY ATTENTION TO

• Avoid using “claimed” as a word of attribution. See a list of words to use and words to avoid on pages 253-254 in your textbook.

• The correct spelling of the sheriff’s name is DiCesari. Punctuation of a name does matter. Be sure to check all names and addresses against the city directory in the rear of your textbook. The misspelling of a name means the lost of 10 or more points in a story.

• Remember to break up your stories into multiple paragraphs. It is very hard for a reader to enter into a big block of text. In news stories, paragraphs should be one to three sentences on average.

• Don’t confuse “police” and “sheriff’s department” as being the same thing. Police are part of city government. The sheriff's department is part of county government. The State Patrol is part of the state government. Yes, their function is the same, but they are paid by different sources and operate differently. Also, cities and counties are seperate entities.

• Many of you wanted to tell instead of show. First, avoid all adjectives and adverbs. Second, it is better to illustrate that “heated discussion” by showing through your use of quotes what was heated about it. Your reader will pick up on the drama without you smacking them in the face with the term “heated discussion.”

• Many of you are still making mistakes on numbers. Remember this AP rule: Spell out one to nine. Use the numerals for 10 and above. The exceptions to this: For ages and dollar amounts, you always use the numerals. I suggest writing a note and taping it to your computer until you get in the habit of doing this.

• Remember to double space your stories. And be sure to spellcheck before submitting them.