Monday, September 12, 2011

Classroom bulletin: Session 4 leads

GREAT HEADLINE, POOR LEAD
When it comes to writing leads, remember that they aren’t the same as writing headlines. A lead is the first sentence in your story. It should be a complete sentence. Be sure to include articles like “a,” “an,” and “the.” In most cases the lead should be written in the past tense because the event/crash/etc. occured in the past. Someone was charged with a crime. The mayor made an announcement at a press conference. Also, be sure to try to provide an answer to the basic journalism questions in every lead (who, what, when, where, why and how).

View a video about the differences between leads and headlines: Click here

• New fire tax proposed by the mayor
FIX: On Monday night, the mayor proposed a new fire tax that he hopes will eliminate a $6 million deficit.

• New program established to help teachers get housing
FIX: A new program has been established that will help teachers get housing.


GOOD LEADS
These leads make a point using specific details. They are not overly general. They include answers to the main journalism questions (who, what, when, where, why and how) without trying to pack everything into one sentence.

An 8-year-old boy was arrested yesterday and taken to a juvenile detention facility after allegedly slapping a girl on the cheek at the playground.

An 8-year-old boy was arrested yesterday after slapping a girl in the face at a playground.

An 8-year old boy was arrested on a battery charge yesterday for slapping a girl across the face at the Riverview Park playground.

An 8-year-old boy was arrested this afternoon at Riverview Park on a battery charge after slapping a girl who was trying to use a swing on the playground.

A policeman arrested an 8-year-old boy for a battery charge yesterday at Riverview Park. An internal investigation will ensue to examine the decision for arrest, says the police chief.

A woman was charged with grand theft today after federal investigators discovered she concealed her grandmother's death 20-years ago and has since collected over $200,000 in social security checks.

A woman has been charged with grand theft after allegedly collecting more than $200,000 in social security payments from her long-deceased grandmother.

Mayor Sabrina Datolli proposed a new fire tax today that would charge an annual fee to homeowners, churches, businesses and schools. City Council member Carole Nyad calls the proposed tax “bazaar.”

Local school officials today unveiled a new program that will offer below-market interest rates on mortgage loans for teachers and administrators in public schools.

A new program aimed at helping teachers pay for their mortgage was revealed by local school officials in hopes that will lower teacher shortages in schools.

Fire Chief Tony Sullivan announced today that the tradition of sliding down a pole to get to the fire engine will end when the old multistory firehouse is replaced with a new one-story station.

The fire chief announced today that all multi-story stations will be demolished by early next year and replaced with new one-story stations, ending a 100-year tradition of fireman sliding down the pole.

The fire chief announced today that the fire department is building one-story stations and replacing multi-story firehouses to eliminate the dangers associated with sliding down poles.

Today the Big Lake fire chief announced that the old firehouse will be replaced with a new single-story building, bringing an end to the century-old tradition of sliding down the brass pole, and the injuries that went with it.


OPINION
Many  of you found it hard to keep opinion out of the lead about teachers. By saying that teacher’s aren’t paid much and can’t afford down payments, you are being opinionated. To fix this problem, you need to attribute the opinion to someone, or merely state that a new program has been created to help teachers afford to buy homes.


Unbiased: 
• Local school officials have launched a program that will offer mortgages to teachers who are purchasing a home for the first time.
• School officials have proposed a plan to help the ease the financial difficulties faced by many teachers. The plan, which was proposed today, would allow teachers to obtain more affordable mortgages.

BUT WHEN?
Many of you neglected to include the all-important “when” in your leads. Readers need to know when something happened to put it into context.

• Policeman Roger Temple arrested a juvenile boy around 4 p.m. at Riverview Park for allegedly slapping a girl in the face.
FIX: Policeman Roger Temple arrested a juvenile boy yesterday around 4 p.m. at Riverview Park for allegedly slapping a girl in the face.

• Police arrested a child on the playground at Riverview Park for striking another child on the face.
FIX: Yesterday, police arrested a child on the playground at Riverview Park for striking another child on the face.


DON’T ASSUME GUILT
Be careful to not assume someone is guilty until a jury finds her guilty. You don’t want to be sued! In discussing crime, always be sure to state that someone has been charged, or that “according to so and so” this happened.

WRONG WAY
• A woman hid her deceased grandmother’s body in a trunk and illegally collected social security for 20 years.

RIGHT WAY
• Today police charged a woman with grand theft after they learned she had been collecting her grandmother’s social security checks for 20 years. The woman told police her grandmother died of natural causes and she hid the body in her basement in order to continue receiving her checks.


COMMON AP STYLE ERRORS THIS WEEK
• Remember to spell out numbers one to nine and use the numerals for 10+. Exceptions to this rule are ages and years.
• Don’t use the word “dollar”. Instead, use just the $ sign.

ETHICAL ISSUE
What do you think of the use of “dumb cop” in a quote? Should the quote be paraphrased to eliminate the use of the phrase?

FORMAT
Remember to include your name and information on the exercise (For example: Leads, chapter 7, exercise 3) at the top of the document you hand in.

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