Read these leads critically. In how many do you spot adjectives? Which ones state the point of the story concisely? Which ones are specific and not vague?
The Anoka county sheriff Gus DiCesari pleaded with county commissioners for more funds for the sheriff's department on Thursday afternoon, and was denied by a vote of 5-2.
A request for additional funds turned into a debate about migrant workers during a meeting on Thursday when Todd County Commissioners voted against the sheriff's request for $580,000 to purchase eight new police cruisers and hire five additional deputies.
Today Washington County officials and the County Sheriff , Gus Decisari, gathered to discuss the possible adding of equipment and personel to the cities police department.
A meeting between the county sheriff and the county commissioners took place Thursday afternoon to discuss additional funding for the police department.
County commissioners and the sheriff battled over this year's budget allocations during their meeting Thursday afternoon. Sheriff Gus Dicesari accused the commission's president, Anne Chenn, of putting people's lives in jeopardy by short-changing the sheriff's department to save money.
Washington County's annual $127 million budget will not be enough to help out local law enforcement.
At a meeting Thursday afternoon, disagreements boiled over between the county sheriff and several county commissioners over personnel and equipment for the sheriff's department.
Sheriff Gus DiCesari of Anoka County had a heated discussion with the county commissioners on Thursday over equipment and personnel.
Recent budget concerns have led to a dispute at a Wright county meeting, on Thursday afternoon, between Sheriff Gus DiCesari who feels that the police department is being “shortchanged” by the county commissioners and not providing them with the funds they need for new cars and personal and Commission President Anne Chen who feels that DiCesari is wrong.
AVOID REDUNDANCY
Reporters don’t have the space to be redundant, and need to write crisply and cleanly to get their point across. Consider these examples:
• DiCesari asked for funds to be able to hire five new sheriff deputies as well as purchase eight new police cruisers. The estimated cost to supply both the new deputies and cruisers was $580,000.
PROBLEM: The writer talks about the deputies and cruisers twice.
FIX: DiCesari asked for $580,000 to hire five new sheriff deputies and purchase eight new police cruisers.
• The county had just recently spent $30 million to build a new prison.
PROBLEM: Had and recently say the same thing. Use one or the other.
FIX: The county recently spent $30 million to build a new prison.
THINGS TO PAY ATTENTION TO
• Avoid using “claimed” as a word of attribution. See a list of words to use and words to avoid on pages 253-254 in your textbook.
• The correct spelling of the sheriff’s name is DiCesari. Punctuation of a name does matter. Be sure to check all names and addresses against the city directory in the rear of your textbook. The misspelling of a name means the lost of 10 or more points in a story.
• Remember to break up your stories into multiple paragraphs. It is very hard for a reader to enter into a big block of text. In news stories, paragraphs should be one to three sentences on average.
• Don’t confuse “police” and “sheriff’s department” as being the same thing. Police are part of city government. The sheriff's department is part of county government. The State Patrol is part of the state government. Yes, their function is the same, but they are paid by different sources and operate differently. Also, cities and counties are seperate entities.
• Many of you wanted to tell instead of show. First, avoid all adjectives and adverbs. Second, it is better to illustrate that “heated discussion” by showing through your use of quotes what was heated about it. Your reader will pick up on the drama without you smacking them in the face with the term “heated discussion.”
• Many of you are still making mistakes on numbers. Remember this AP rule: Spell out one to nine. Use the numerals for 10 and above. The exceptions to this: For ages and dollar amounts, you always use the numerals. I suggest writing a note and taping it to your computer until you get in the habit of doing this.
• Remember to double space your stories. And be sure to spellcheck before submitting them.
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